Tip & Gratuity Etiquette- Julia's Hot Take

If you guys know me by now, you know I hate "etiquette" - the thought of having to do something because everyone else does is just not my jam. I guess I'm a bit of a rebel in that sense. But I do have a lot of clients who generously want to tip their vendors and are completely lost when it comes to how much is "normal."

Unfortunately for them, there is no "normal," but I guess that is where etiquette can be somewhat useful. In this case, I've compiled some ranges and, of course, my commentary, to help provide some guidance.

Is tipping mandatory?

First of all, gratuity is completely optional. If it were required, it would already be included in your contracts and invoices. In fact, many vendors want to ensure their teams are taken care of and DO include gratuity as a line item in their invoices. Think of this like the automatic 18% tip attached to large restaurant groups. You can obviously tip more than that, but you wouldn't have to unless desired. Often times caterers, bartenders, and beauty services will automatically include gratuity. Double check your contracts and make sure it's actually for gratuity and not a typical service charge that doesn't go to the staff.

Do you recommend tipping?

Obviously the selfish and human part of me would be like, duh! I love to get an envelope of cash after a long 12-15 hour day! But the rational part of me believes you should only tip if you feel like the level of service calls for it. Not everyone has the financial means either (I mean... I see most of your budgets...) And honestly, a 5-star review will do way more for me longterm. There are some exceptions though. For example, if your vendor is specifically not including tip because they want to give you the flexibility to tip the percentage that you deem appropriate, it will hurt their team's morale to not give tips or will be coming out of your hardworking vendor's pocket. A good example of this is hair & makeup. Most vendors in this case will communicate that they are explicitly allowing you to decide how much to tip, (ultimately taking the risk that you don't tip at all). But in those cases... please tip your vendors.

I've read to tip those with teams and not business owners - thoughts?

This is a tough one. I feel like the wedding industry gets a bad rapport that we are "overpriced" and "inflated" when in reality, every single wedding vendor I know is working incredibly hard to put food on the table. Sometimes the small business owners would actually benefit more from the tips than the 18-year old server living at home. Use your best judgement, but don't let whether the vendor owns the business or not prevent you from tipping when they are working just as hard to give you the wedding day of your dreams.

What about set up staff? Staff I don't see or talk to?

Here is my hot take... only tip them if you have the means. Obviously I'd love for all my vendor friends to get a gratuity, but at the end of the day you could have dozens of people touching your big day and that could become incredibly cost prohibitive when you're already investing so much.

My personal rule of thumb is to take care of the people who are putting physical strain on their bodies and/or going to be at your wedding the majority if not the entire day. Don't want to tip the baker dropping off the cake? Ok, fine! But maybe consider tipping the photographer who is lugging 30 lbs of equipment on their backs for 10 hours straight.

Okay, I get it. But just tell me what to do!

Alright fine, if you really want my guidance, I've put together my own recommended ranges based on what I would do as a wedding client. There is truly no judgement if you cannot afford to do this, so I recommend using as inspiration and then draw your own conclusions.

Your Vendors	Type	Tip Range
Wedding Planner	Required	10-15% of fee (if you have the means) or $100 - $200
Coordination Assistants	Optional	$50 - $100
Photographer/Videographer	Required	$100 - $200
Second Shooters	Optional	$50 - $100
Venue Coordinator(s)	Optional	$50 - $200 (depending on level of involvement)
Band Members or Musicians	Required	$25 - $50 each (depending on number of band members, consider gifting more to MC)
DJ/MC	Required	$100 - $200
Cake & Desserts	Optional	$50 - $100 (consider if drop off only and/or the intensity of set up)
Florist	Optional	$50 - $200 (consider if drop off only and/or the intensity of set up)
Set Up Staff	Optional	$25 - $50
Hair & Makeup	Required	18-20% of service if not already included in contract
Catering & Bar Staff	Required	$25 - $100 each (consider more for anyone who goes above and beyond)
Chauffeur or Transportation Drivers	Optional	$25 - $100
Officiant	Optional	$50 - $100

Concluding thoughts...

There are so many nuances that are unique for each wedding, so it's truly impossible to give an exact or "right" answer. At the end of the day, you can only do what you feel is right. Trust your gut intuition, and make a decision that is right for you!

If you read this and thought, wow, I really wish I could afford this but I just can't do it....please consider giving your vendors 5-star reviews. I can assure you that words of affirmation, a heartfelt thank you text, handwritten note, public Facebook shout out, and/or referrals will genuinely go so much farther than any gratuity could!

xoxo

Julia